Let us pray

About that church thing. I started going again. Not really kicking and screaming, but let's say only as a favor to my dad. And the entire hour of quiet. (It's a Catholic mass, so of course it's quiet....except for that song with the tambourine. Really? Is this 1970?) Anyway.

It was a little weird. It's a church here that I've only been to for a couple of weddings and one funeral, so it's like going to church in a new town. Don't really recognize that many people either, but the priest who just took over is amazing. I adore him.

So I agreed to go back with my dad to church. Here's driving up here every Saturday so we can go. I don't look forward to mass necessarily, but I do enjoy spending time with dad. And there is one part of the mass that I meditate on all week.

It's the "Let us pray" part. If you're not Catholic, there is this part where a reader (or in some places the priest) says Let us pray for blank (like the sick of the parish, or our nation's leaders, or victims in Haiti) and the congregation responds "Lord hear our prayer." There are several prayers and then they say "For the intentions we hold in our hearts......pause....Lord hear our prayers." So the first week I was a little caught off guard. I was mostly stressing about attending my niece's baptism the next day--where I had been unasked to be Godmother. (The priest of that congregation deemed me unfit to be a Godmother. I wrote an entire post about the whole situation, but I decided not to publish it.) Where was I? Oh yeah, so I was kind of in a stressed mood and when the 'pause' came "just let me get through this baptism with out crying" popped into my head. And somehow. I did. And better than just getting through it, I finally made peace with it. And the whole week was somehow better.

So the next week I thought "help me be a good wife". I know. Please. I'm rolling my own eyes at that, but that's what popped into my head. I guess you would have to check with D to see how well that worked out.

Week Three: "Help to be a better mother." This one I actually premeditated. I just felt like the entire week I was screaming at the kids. Mostly Little d. And by Saturday I was feeling like (as my crush Glenn Beck would say) a crap sandwich. I think I did make a conscience effort to dial back the temper and handle things with a cooler head.

Last week: "Contentment". Just in everything. To stop always seeing the incomplete undone things around me and the things I can't change as dominating my whole world. To be content with all that I have. I think it's working. I actually feel a heavy mood lifting away. Every time I feel some negativity popping up, I just think "contentment" like some kind of mantra. And for whatever reason--prayer--it's working.

Tonight's prayer...understanding. Like for example why D felt the need to go hunting even though this is his only days off in months and our other house is STILL not ready to be put on the market....