I'll ring in the new year with a midnight feeding...

at least that's the likely scenario.

Being a mom is busy work. I often wonder how other moms do it. I mean, for the last few days I've managed to load the dishwasher once a day and sweep. To be fair, the dishwasher loading took place after D was home to watch the kiddos.

I joke that this new house is big. I mean BIG. As in I get winded doing the laundry because I run from one end to the other several times carting loads of wash.

Christmas day was something this year. I spent most of the afternoon (post gift-opening frenzy) crying. I am unsure if it had to do with missing the POC Christmas, losing two grandmothers this year, reading the book 'Room' on my brand new Kindle, or a combination of all three. But other than that it was nice to have a lazy day home with my kids and hubby. (A brief aside...if you have not read that book...get thee to a bookstore and find one if you can. I didn't put it down until I finished it.)

My life is a bit mundane right now. Which is good for me. Bad for blogging. I don't even have some mediocre handmade cards to show off.

The good news is the kids are growing and active and healthy. (plus snotty noses--I am realizing that for this first year of Kindergarten (please God just the first year) there will be a plethora of snotty noses.)

Little md is pulling up and cruising along the couch. Did I mention that before? I can't remember. Tonight for the first time he had ham (from a baby food jar) and seemed to like it. None of my other kiddos liked meat. Still don't. I am so excited that he ate it!

Little m is owning her passion for defiance.

Little d is such a big girl. Young lady. Great helper.

D is working hard as always. Someday I have big plans that we will carry on a conversation without an interruption. But alas, not today. And not on new year's eve...he's working then too.

Night to you....

It's my favorite time of the year!!

(said heavily laced with sarcasm)



This weekend is a trip to the inlaws. Now we know that my preferred daughter in law status has been approved. But that doesn't change how much I enjoy packing up the kids (now three of course) and travelling over there to stay in our (possibly stinky, and very possibly cold) travel trailer.



To make the trip even more appealing I have carefully orchestrated a major dental appointment tomorrow. See, last week I popped out a filling (totally on purpose of course) and now have to have the offending tooth pulled. The offending-pain-in-my-ass-since-I-was-twelve-years-old-and-it-should-have-been-pulled-along-with-my-wisdom-teeth-tooth. This lousy tooth has had fillings, root canal, and now this. At least I will finally be done with it.



But you know. Thought I would make the weekend more fun. The good news is I only have to stay for one night.



Gosh I miss this blog. I miss scrapbooking too, but I miss the time to sit and just rattle on about the every day in this semi-anonymous venue.



Little d in school. She has relaapsed in the last few weeks into missing me and getting teary/crying. She still trudges through and doesn't fight going, she just clearly would rather not. I think the 'oh this is going to go on forever' mentality has finally hit. I can so relate. I hated most every day of school growing up. I was really wishing she would have so much fun that she wouldn't miss me at all. Maybe it will get easier as the time goes on. Although to be fair, it hasn't gotten easier for me.



Little d just finished her first ever Christmas program last night. I could not have been more proud. She knew all the little hand moves and words and smiled while she sang. SO precious!!



Little m is hitting the defiant stage but at the same time so stinkin cute! She is really into books right now. She loves to just look at them or be read to. And just this week she started playing on the computer. Not just looking over Little d's shoulder.



Little md. Crawling and pulling up on things. In fact we have decided the Christmas tree will look ever so lovely in the dining room this year. Not in the living room where Little md can help with it.



And the three of them...all in various stages of yet another snotty nose cold. Little md the worst of the three right now. Hopefully only a few days until he is all better. And here's the part of me that is weak and vindictive. Maybe this year we will be the ones spreading Christmas cheer to the other snot nosed kids that are at the inlaws family Christmas instead of the other way around. Oh I know that's petty!! And mean and awful and I should delete that sentence entirely!! But I won't even though it's not how I really feel.

Whiney child wins...post must end now!

Blogs/Veteran's Day

How can you tell I'm blogging more frequently? My titles get lame-r.

So I haven't been visiting any blogs in the last few months, because of the move, total upheaval of life, and lack of good internet connection/time. How's that for excuses? But now that things are calming down, and I have time to blog, I am trying to find all the blogs I used to have saved into my favorites. Except that my favorites are on the crashed laptop. SO I am going through past comments or just plain trying to remember the blog addresses, NOT EASY.

Hopefully I'll be able to get to some of them and from their blogs, be able to more. But to be honest I don't have the time to look at all of the ones I used to. And I guess that's okay.

Today Little d had a program at school and I was so excited to hear her sing God Bless the USA and do the sign language to go with it. But due to bad seating, I saw none of her (and as you tell from the photo, I barely grabbed a shot of her leaving the performance!). It was a moving program none the less, but I really wish I could have seen her perform. I am pretty sure the Christmas program will have better seating. Fingers crossed!

Off to sleeeeeeep!!!

ETA: the photo

Fine! I'll show you my kitchen!

It's not completely clean, heck it's not even finished, but here's the latest pictures. There is still backsplash tile work to be done and and the vent hood needs to be installed. And of course, as with the rest of the house, no decorating has been done yet. But who knows how long all this will take?

And was I standing sideways when I took this one??

Shhh--that's like three posts in three days--what next? All the laundry done??

Little md

He's not so little anymore. He weighs 20 pounds. Yes and he's tall too.

He is such a happy baby. Truly. Always has a smile. Even for people he doesn't know. He's mostly sitting up now and in the last couple of days he's started pushing up on all fours. I can't believe we are close to crawling aready. Childproofing--here we come!

Since he was breastfed until just recently, he's only had oatmeal. But starting tomorrow I'm trying a veggie. Sweet potatoes or green beans...haven't decided yet. Both of the girls were started on green beans, but we'll see.

He can mumble dada and mama and high-eye (which I guess is southern for hi!). But I'm pretty sure he doesn't know what he's saying. He loves his sisters like nobody's business! He is just fascinated with them. And the best part is they looove to perform for him. Dancing, singing, whatever they can do to make him laugh!

Really it's just crazy fun to have three children. I never could have imagined life could be this awesome!

Let us pray

About that church thing. I started going again. Not really kicking and screaming, but let's say only as a favor to my dad. And the entire hour of quiet. (It's a Catholic mass, so of course it's quiet....except for that song with the tambourine. Really? Is this 1970?) Anyway.

It was a little weird. It's a church here that I've only been to for a couple of weddings and one funeral, so it's like going to church in a new town. Don't really recognize that many people either, but the priest who just took over is amazing. I adore him.

So I agreed to go back with my dad to church. Here's driving up here every Saturday so we can go. I don't look forward to mass necessarily, but I do enjoy spending time with dad. And there is one part of the mass that I meditate on all week.

It's the "Let us pray" part. If you're not Catholic, there is this part where a reader (or in some places the priest) says Let us pray for blank (like the sick of the parish, or our nation's leaders, or victims in Haiti) and the congregation responds "Lord hear our prayer." There are several prayers and then they say "For the intentions we hold in our hearts......pause....Lord hear our prayers." So the first week I was a little caught off guard. I was mostly stressing about attending my niece's baptism the next day--where I had been unasked to be Godmother. (The priest of that congregation deemed me unfit to be a Godmother. I wrote an entire post about the whole situation, but I decided not to publish it.) Where was I? Oh yeah, so I was kind of in a stressed mood and when the 'pause' came "just let me get through this baptism with out crying" popped into my head. And somehow. I did. And better than just getting through it, I finally made peace with it. And the whole week was somehow better.

So the next week I thought "help me be a good wife". I know. Please. I'm rolling my own eyes at that, but that's what popped into my head. I guess you would have to check with D to see how well that worked out.

Week Three: "Help to be a better mother." This one I actually premeditated. I just felt like the entire week I was screaming at the kids. Mostly Little d. And by Saturday I was feeling like (as my crush Glenn Beck would say) a crap sandwich. I think I did make a conscience effort to dial back the temper and handle things with a cooler head.

Last week: "Contentment". Just in everything. To stop always seeing the incomplete undone things around me and the things I can't change as dominating my whole world. To be content with all that I have. I think it's working. I actually feel a heavy mood lifting away. Every time I feel some negativity popping up, I just think "contentment" like some kind of mantra. And for whatever reason--prayer--it's working.

Tonight's prayer...understanding. Like for example why D felt the need to go hunting even though this is his only days off in months and our other house is STILL not ready to be put on the market....

Miss me much??

Let's see if I get to sit long enough to type a blog post.

Halloween came and went. And if I had photoshop on the laptop I would load some pictures for you today, BUT it takes forever to load the ginormous pics and I quit messing with them once I uploaded them to facebook. Incidentally, if you want to be my friend on FB just email me (it's on the sidebar), and I'll add you. You'll get updates about me more regularly! I know you want that right?!?

Little d is doing great in school. Tomorrow we have a required conference with her teacher to get her first 9 week report card. I am so anxious to see how the teacher perceives her. AND to see how well she's doing--or if she's paying attention!

And now I'm holding Little md...

He's helping!

I'm not breastfeeding any more...as per his wishes. And I'm okay with that. It was nice not to make the decision to wean on my own. Seriously son--mom is so thankful to you. Easiest baby to breastfeed and easiest to wean. So just for giggles let's add it up. I spent 29 months of my life pregnant and 21 months breastfeeding. (two months pregnant for the miscarriage if you're wondering about that math.)

gotta go...miss scrapbooking like an old friend...

This Little Life

I miss my old life a little. Okay aLot. The days where my schedule was not determined by the school district.

I should preface this post by saying that I am not looking for a pity party. I just happen to have two minutes to myself so I thought I would blog. And since I haven't been able to visit any of my favorites in so long, I'll just type a little on mine. And what I have to blog about isn't really exciting. In fact it's a little depressing.

Speaking of depressed. I think I qualify. I mean like clinically. It started with Little d starting school. That was major upheaval for me. I honestly don't know how woman can go to work and send their children to daycare. I'm not criticizing anyone, I just physically could not do it. The beginning was rough for her, but she's adjusting so well. And now she has a crush on one of those dread boys she so desperately wanted to vanish just two weeks ago.

Where was I? Oh adjusting. Well, like I said, she's doing well. I'm doing better. I still have such a rough time not being around her and knowing what's going on. Like when she's says that this one little girl called her 'nasty'. Now I have to determine the context and help her deal with it without actually being present to know what happened. I am pretty sure that this little girl thinks Little d has a crush on this boy and because of that called her 'nasty'. Hopefully in the "That's So Raven" sense. 'Just ignore her' and 'play with your other friends' was my advice when I really want to tell her to tell the little low class snot to drop dead. No not drop dead. But maybe trip...

We'll see what comes of it.

So let's set aside the school stress and discuss other things. Like snot.

Since Little d has started school, she has had four consecutive colds that have been passed to Little m. Two of which were also passed to me and D. Not sure what Little md caught. So far anything has been super mild for him--maybe due to me breastfeeding? Anyway. My children aren't sick often at all and when they get colds it seems that they also tend towards getting upset tummies. So (keep reading I dare you) I have slept most nights in one or the other's bed or on the couch or on the floor in the living room. I think grand total I have slept in my bed four times since Little d started school August 23rd. Most nights I also spend listening for coughing, vomiting or crying (especially Little m-she seems to have gotten the worst of them all).

SO worrying about kiddos and no sleep equals stress.

Now moving on to the other major stress factor right now. House. Rather, houses. We still have not cleaned out the other house and put in on the market. Which I know is just as crazy as me not sleeping in my own bed for two months. When would we have the time? D has been working non stop. We have to afford the two houses, right? And the sad part for me is that I didn't get that big moment of packing up stuff, saying goodbye to the home I brought the babies home to, and unloading the first boxes in the new house. We didn't have that 'first night in the new house' moment as a family. Instead, we snuck in praying we weren't discovered by the bank inspector with suitcases and stuff thrown together like we were running from a hurricane. And D was working nights so we didn't do it as a family. Are you depressed yet?

I guess the worst of it boils down to this doesn't feel like home. It's better than it was, but not as good as it should be. Little m still calls it 'the land'. And yesterday she cried because she wanted to go to the old house.

I'm also having a little mini-crisis of religion, but that's a whole other post. And it's not an I-don't-believe-in-God crisis. It's how much do I believe in raising my kids Catholic.

I've gotta wrap this up. So I'll leave on a bright note. I bought my first post-Little md jeans. In a size 14, but still. They weren't pregnancy jeans.

I told D I wanted things to return to normal and he said maybe this is the new normal. Well...the size 14 jeans better not be a part of the deal...

Rain rain go away...

Have I already used that for a title some time? I can't remember, but I can't seem to come up with something flashy for this post.

Here's a little uppie datie for the whole Baptism thing. I thought I would go ahead and have my youngest two baptized at the same time in the same church as Little Miss Perfect was going to be baptized--seeing as how I'm going to be her Godmother, and my sis-in-law is Little m's Godmother. So I went to Holy Family to fill out the paperwork. (I just went ahead and used the real church's name there you see what I did.) Anyway. The parish priest wanted to meet with me.

I'm going to give you the rundown of how that went...with just the highlights.

Him: You don't go to church often enough to have your children baptized here. If you can come back in four weeks and tell me that you are going to church then everything will be hunky-dory. And by the way you are meaningless as a Godmother.

Me: Thank you. (exit stage left)

Okay so he didn't say hunky-dory, but the rest is accurate. Yes he said "you are meaningless". What a tool.

I thought Baptism was to wash away original sin not to increase church enrollment, but what do I know. I have heard so many stories about this particular priest. Recently I found out that he told a member of his church that they didn't contribute enough money to be members. And they were surviving on one income. Hmmm.

Here's another jewel for you to chew on:

On Little d's birthday we were not really living here. (Remember?) SO we put off her party until the weekend we moved in. It was totally spur of the moment and my mother in law offered to make cupcakes. I thought that was soooo sweet. She asked Little d what kind she wanted and Little d said carrot and apple and chocolate. (Well what do you expect when you ask a 6 year old what kind of cake she wants...) So mil asks me if cream cheese icing is okay since Little d can't eat dairy with out getting a stomach ache. I reply that no, we should probably stick with regular white icing.

Guess what she frosted them in? Did she bother to tell me what she frosted them in before Little d ate one? No. Bitch. Sorry, but I have no use for people like that. Who does that to a child?

Back to the title of this post. It's been raining all the T-I-M-E tiiiiiii-iiimme!!!

Still Here

A quick note or ten.


School is going well for Little d. And sometimes I don't even cry on the ride home...


Breastfeeding is going well for Little md (he's even had a little formula now and then and done well on it.) My 17 pound four month old.

We are officially living in our new house. And as soon as the boxes are put away...or at least hidden...I'll post pictures.

Little m has entered and mastered the "why?" stage. And I have mastered the "I don't know" and the "because I said so" stage.

Our new internet connection (via ATT cell phone) is slower than slow. We're gonna have to amend that sometime. On the subject of technology...we have our satellite set up, aaaaand we signed up for texting. Seriously! How fun is that?!?

I think I juuuust see that light at the end of the tunnel!

Oh, and I'm a room mom! Cool, right?

Birthday in a construction zone

Despite being days away from a completed house, we still have paper taped down in the hall, broken down boxes from appliances, step ladders, hammers, levels and the ever useful painter's tape scattered about.

Amid all this Little d celebrated her sixth birthday today. Labor day--just like six years ago--and she declared it the best birthday ever. God Bless the resilience of children. Her breakfast was a canned cinnamon roll with a "6" candle in it. Unlit, because there are no matches or lighters here. Shhh, I used the wall oven to cook the rolls. She pretended to blow it out, while I took pictures. A generic "Happy Birthday" banner was the backdrop---taped up with blue painter's tape.

She opened her gifts of a fashion template notebook, four barbie dresses, lip gloss and a diary. She liked them all and played with the fashion notebook and diary most of the day.

It's so hard to realize that she is already six years old. Didn't I just bring her home from the hospital a week ago? Wasn't she just learning to talk yesterday? I miss those days sometimes, but I am so enjoying the young lady she is becoming. I am also enjoying how much she dislikes those "weird" boys in her class. I know that won't last either...

The Secret Life

You probably think I've fallen off the earth. And I would hesitate to disagree. Little d starting school is just part of the roller coaster. We have 'moved' into the new house. But on the sly. Technically we can't live here until the final bank inspection, so we are really "living" in the travel trailer parked in the drive way. When the inspector came out last week for the next to last draw, I just knew that one of the kids (Little m to be exact) was going to spill the beans. But it went off without a hitch.

Hopefully the paperwork will be signed next Friday and then we can officially move in. Living out of boxes and sleeping on air matresses sucks on so many levels. Especially trying to make school lunches and get kids bathed and to bed...

We can't have a TV in here, so the satellite was set up for the trailer, but that just means we haven't watched TV in two weeks. And we didn't have any internet for about a week and a half. Talk about living in the stone ages. I didn't even know there was a hurricane!

You know what else?

I've lost six pounds.

I've never in my whole life been so tired. Never.

I washed a dress for Little d's picture day in a sink with Palmolive.

Sending her to school each day feels a lot like a death in the family.

I count the minutes until I can pick her up.

She's never seen me cry about it, I save my tears for the car ride home.

I worry about fitting in with the other kinder moms.

I fear the next time I sleep on a real matress I'll fall off.

My mother in law was here every day the first week and a half and yet I killed no one.

Me and my dad work really well together...and we crack each other up.

My husband and I have successfully built a house and not gotten a divorce.

I miss blogging.

The pits

I knew the day would come when I would have to send Little d to school. And I even anticipated how rough it would be. I told D a couple of years ago that he needed to take the day off just to be there for me when I collapsed in tears after dropping her off.

Today we had the little meet and greet at her school. It's a small little country school with an awesome reputation. I instantly felt the warmth from her teacher, Mrs. H. And there is another mother there that I see a potential bond with. Though I could only nod and smile when she spoke to me, so close was I to tears.

I have been seconds from tears for the last two days. Last night my brother called to say that if we needed to spend the night in his new house we could instead of staying in our travel trailer at the land. I couldn't even speak I was so choked up. We are hopefully less than two weeks from being able to move into our house, but I was so not wanting to be "camping" during Little d's first weeks of school.

Everything feels upsidedown right now. My house is a mess, my body is a mess, my hair is a mess, my state of mind is a mess. I have never been this disorganized in my whole life. I just wanted Little d to start school and have the transition be smooth as silk. But I don't see how that can be possible.

I should just focus on the positives. She is going to a great school. She is super excited about it. Her teacher seems like just the type of person that you want to be your kindergarten teacher. She even had a little goodie bag at each kid's spot.

But I still have this yucky feeling of dispair in the pit of my stomach. It's a mix of not being with her every second of the day combined with she's going out into the big bad world without me.

I'm praying she loves school so much she never cries not to go...because then I just may have to look into that whole homeschooling thing...

Paint Fumes

Yesterday the 'painter' was supposed to be done with all the cabinet work in the house. {We hired out for that. All the rest we are doing ourselves.} But when I looked at the doors, they aren't all done properly. On the dark cabinets, you can see primer through and on some of the bookcase shelves, there are streaks of dull paint--like the final coat was sprayed on unevenly. Ugh. Just what I need.

My dad and I finished the caulking today. Well except for two baseboards in the stair landing. They aren't nailed to the wall. Yeah, you read that right.

D is spraying the ceilings with the final coat. Maybe tomorrow, we can start the final coat on the walls and trim.

Meanwhile, I have a smashing headache. Either from being hot, not drinking enough water, or...paint fumes.

Whose idea was it to build this house again?

How it goes....

drive to land

work

drive home

pump

repeat.

School Shopping

Maybe I should just do little mini blog posts every night when I give the girls a bath?


This past week I managed to go school clothes shopping with Little d. I somehow managed to get home with several cute interchangeable outfits. Little d had blast. I was exhausted. Who knew it would be so tiring? I swear. I remember having so much fun shopping for school clothes with my mom. Now I'm wondering if she was that exhausted when we were done?

While we were shopping I was thinking (during the brief moments when I wasn't thinking about being so frumpy and out of touch) that these clothes were never gonna match up. But then when we got home and laid them all out, whatdya know? They were actually really cute and they were interchangeable. I still need to get her some more shirts and some plain denim shorts, but other than that it was a pretty successful trip.

Meanwhile. I'm having these panic attacks. Have I done a huge disservice to my daughter by not exposing her to more experiences? Will school be too much of a shock? Will she hate the fact that she has to wear shoes all day? I mean seriously, we are pretty much homebodies around here who do what we want when we want.

I keep trying to tell myself that I never went to preschool and I did okay. Actually, I hated school. All 12 years of it. And had I gone to preschool I would have hated all 13 years of it.

But Little d is different than me. She loves going places. She likes being around other kids. I'm hoping this will translate into her loving school. I am hoping beyond hope that she gets one of those good kindergarden teachers. The kind who loves kids and who knows just what to do to make them feel comfortable in school.

I realize that over the last few weeks I've been more and more stressed. And the more things I am stressing over, the more overwhelming they all seem together. I also am realizing that I haven't been praying lately.

So perhaps it's time to turn things over to God.

The tub saga part two

Soooo after the Lowes joke I tried a place called City Plumbing.

Wowza. They actually had a pink tub. Or was it a shower? I dunno, I'm still in shock. After waiting forever for someone to actually wait on me, I get this guy:

Guy: Can I help you?
Me: I'm looking for a corner tub--a soaking tub, not with jets--and I need it to have the front apron.
Guy: Is this for a trailer?

Huh?

Me: Um, no. It's for new construction.
Guy: Well I don't think you can get the tub with a skirt, unless it's a whirlpool, because that's the only reason they put that on there. For access panels.

Check, please.

Next stop...Kitchen and Bath Showroom. The lady there knew exactly what I needed as soon as I said it and plucked not one, but three binders from a long row of them to show me some samples. And then pulled it up on a full color computer screen and gave me quotes. Then she printed out the brochures and then she showed me little samples of the colors the tubs come in.

Sweet. But pricey.

Next stop. The internet. Where I located the tub, called the guy, got it delivered in a week.

Even sweeter. Gotta go!

Blogkeeping

You see what I did there? A cross between blog and housekeeping. I'm sure someone's done that before me, but anyhoo-

I should be housekeeping, but I'd rather blog while the girls bathe. So here's what going on...

House news: The painting continues. We went and got all the colors yesterday. SO exciting...can't wait to see them on the wall...pictures to follow! The tub came in today. The elusive tub. No that's not a type. It's not supposed to be exclusive. See the story is we needed a corner tub. Around here we call it a garden tub. The part you sit in is triangle shaped. We wanted a soaking tub, not a whirlpool. And it needed to have the front skirting. Welll if that's confusing...here's a picture:

Except we didn't want the whirlpool jets. And we needed the skirt. So we went to Lowe's. Twice. Uhhhg. Here's a thought. If you want to actually sell a tub, don't have the customer leaning over your shoulder looking at a weak computer moniter picture of a tub.

Time's Up! I decided that to blog more often, my posts may have to be broken into several pieces...so until part two...see ya!

Spackle on---

There is soooo much prep work that goes into painting the house. And it is so tedious. Primer, spackle, caulk, cutting in...all before the final coat. Hard, ass-sweating work. Haha I totally made up the word ass-sweating for the occassion, because believe me it is hot in south Texas right now.

Because I am breastfeeding I can't just go all nuts working out at the house. A) When I breastfed Little m I had at least four rounds of mastitis. And since using those chest muscles can cause me to have an infection, I have to be careful. B) I don't really have the stamina to go all out in the heat, and I don't want to overdo it. C) I have to either feed or pump at least every three hours when I'm awake. D) I have to stay really hydrated.

So, consequently, I not of much help. I try to do the work I can to make it easier for the others out there working...my dad and my in-laws. I did a little of the cutting in work, and lately I've been putting the filler in the nail holes on the trim...it's about as exciting as it sounds.

Oh and even though it's less than a month away, I am NOT going to start counting down the days I have left before Little d starts school... :(

Facelift!

The Cutest Blog on the Block (see above left) informed me that as of Friday I will no longer be able to use my blog background. I've had that background forever. I think I have had it since the month after I started blogging. I loved it. I had never seen it anywhere else and to me it was easy to read on. So I'm trying this one out as a replacement....we'll see how it works.

In other news: House stuff is rolling right along...no pun intended, but we have all the primer coat on the walls and ceilings save for one pantry. I've started filling in the finishing nails on all the trim work. There are millions of them.

We've ordered countertops, carpet and a tub. We've bought faucets and cabinet knobs. I believe this is the time they call a full court press. Although I don't watch basketball or know anything about it.

Y'all have a great rest of the weekend!

Cabinets!

If you happen to have already seen these pics on facebook--sorry for the repeat, but you know I had to post them here.

We have cabinets and let me tell you--makes it start to feel like a real house! Well that and the drywall!

Here's the full view of the kitchen taken from the bay window area.

This is the wall where the refrigerator will go. I wanted these deep drawers to put snacks and stuff in for the kiddos.

Here's the island. It has the drawers also...I'm thinking for all those plastic containers and lids!

Here's the area of the stove. I'm going to use a vent hood that has the exposed pipe and back the whole area with mosaic tile. At least that's the plan. Oh and on the side there is a bookcase for cookbooks. It looks a little weird because the shelves aren't mounted yet.

Moving on to our bathroom. Here's our cabinets. My husband insisted that he wanted a cabinet that opened specifically to his side so he wouldn't have to reach around a door to get his shaving stuff. Anal, I know, but he rarely has an absolute opinion so that's okay.

We came up with this design, and the cabinet maker added the front doors.

Here's my ingenious idea. I saw in a design mag where they flipped that fake drawer under a sink to the bottom of the cabinet and put the doors on top. And after tripping too many times on the little step stools the are always in front of our sinks, I decided to ask if they could make that drawer into a pull out step...voila!!



And here is an updated picture of our living room as taken from the back door.

It's a little like she's doing my laundry.

My mother in law that is.

See during this whole house building experience I haven't really been involved. My primary duty has been, you know, give birth and watch the kids. Well, that's pretty much my primary duty anyway, but up until now, I've had no purpose whatsoever with the house. Remember what I said D is in charge of function and I'm in charge of pretty. So now comes the pretty part and it's not fun.

It was supposed to be fun, but the fun has been sucked out of it. For starters, I kind of changed the whole decorating direction I was going. Instead of the kitchen being a traditional ivory with antique stuff and oil-rubbed bronze, I am now all about clean white and ivory with silver knobs and pulls and fixtures. So there was a little internal stress about 'what the hell am I thinking changing the whole aesthetic at the last minute?' {Yeah I used the word aesthetic...blame BRAVO.}

Then I found myself all alone. My mom came down with something (thankfully she is better now!) and couldn't be around to go shop with me. My BFF has another friend going through a divorce who needs a house hunting budding. SO here I was out at these kitchen and bath and carpet and tile and paint stores with no one to bounce ideas off of. It was such a bummer. And it was kind of pathetic how I latched on to the sales girls like they were my new BFFs. Yes we are building a house. Yes, and my daughter is starting kindergarten....

And here's the other kicker. Truly. And the reason for my weird post title. There are few mundane things that bring me joy. I enjoy accomplishing the laundry in peace. And I like to paint. (You know for the record I think people can be divided into two catagories: those who like to paint and those who don't. And while we're on the subject, those who like to are usually good at it and those who don't aren't.) Anyway. So today I am here at the house with two wild monkeys and a equally fussy baby, while my mother in law is out at my new house painting.

Yes I know I should be grateful it is getting done.

But like I said at the beginning, it's a little like she's doing my laundry.

How I Hates Me A Liar

Okay. Maybe liar is too strong a word. But at this point in the whole house thing, I need the people to be honest...or at the very least vague.

Our drywallers said they would be done Wednesday. They said this to me and D seperately, on several occasions. So was it done on Wednesday? Um, no. Now the cabinets are off a day. That means we can't start painting and the trim guy--who has yet to show up even though his appointment was almost two hours ago--is also going to start later.

At this stage of the game that is just unacceptable.

We have to be in this house by no later than mid-August. Little d starts school on the 23rd. And we have to be living there so she can start school at that campus. We simply must be living there by then!

After paint we have to install electric plates and switches and the light and ceiling fan fixtures. The other things that will have to be completed are trim work, countertops, tile work (which may or may not be done by us) and carpet. Also the A/C guy and the plumber have to finish up.

Okay and can I just say that I spend three fourths of the day pissed off at my husband--so we need to get in the house so that whole stress is off. Because I hate being such a naggy bitch!

On a bright note...as of today we have a septic system. Installed by an ex-boyfriend. Who happens to be my husbands new BFF. Smile.

Annnnd we have a new laptop. Which explains while this post was started and finished today! Talk atcha later...

Drywall and babies and tiles, oh my!

Here's the updates I haven't been updating:

Little md: growing like a weed. He is so precious. He grins and coos and is more often than not a calm happy roly poly baby. I am so thankful we were blessed to have him join our herd. He is the easiest baby to breastfeed in the world. He only nurses for about ten minutes, usually every three hours. He already loves his big sisters and watches everything they do intently. The other night I cried a little to realize how fast the time has gone and how fast it will continue to pass us by. Before long I will be baking his first birthday cake in my new kitchen and wonder where the last year went...or I will be pulling my hair out over the latest Little m stubborn streak and wondering how to get crayon out of carpet...either way--the future promises to be an adventure.

The girlies: Gosh they are precious too. Little d is so smart. I know she is going to do so well in school. Ahhh. Kindergarten. I am having the worst panics about sending her away most of the day. What ever will I do without my constant little companion? Both girls are still testing their limits. I am still finding myself at wit's end. But I know that things will work out. I just have to be consistant. Little m has such a personality. I wish I could capture everything she does on video. She now has an imaginary friend....Lisa.

Today they were pretty well behaved. The reason?

Little Miss Perfect: We ( my mom and I) are keeping her while my sis in law goes to work. She works part time and so on wednesdays and some fridays, we get to keep her. She is a precious precious girl. So tiny and perfect. And you should just see her tiny perfect mouth. And the little fingernails...ahhh I could go on and on. It's so funny to learn her little habits. I am just thrilled that we get to spend the time with her. And Little d is such a great helper. She spent all day entertaining both babies.

The hacienda: We are getting drywall up. So excited about that! I still need to decide on the texture pattern. Did you even know that was a decision to be made? Sheesh. The details are endless! I've also chosen the countertops in the kitchen and tile for the bathroom...I think. But I am still on mission to find a subway tile for the backsplash in the kitchen to match the countertops. Oh and paint. We may be starting to paint as early as next week and I still haven't chosen the interior colors.

A word about the tile. I have been on the record several times saying that I will never have tile in my house ever! But then I saw this tile. And I fell in love with it. I am not even a fan of blue, but now I want this seaglass stuff in our master bathroom. Click on the link above and you can enlarge the picture.

And since that site is sooo chock full of beautiful tile. I fell in love with this to use behind the stove and vent hood.

Oh who knows? I seem to be on a tile binge!

Off to get the girls out of the bath. Someday maybe I'll write an actual entertaining post. Or except my award...

She started another one...

post, that is. Let's see how long this one takes to complete.


Reasons it may take awhile:

1. Laptop is toast. Thankfully we only used it to surf. No pictures lost.


2. Kids bath must be cut short so we can spray three (3!) wasps nests outside.


3. Headache.


4. Determined to work on organizing house and not on wasting time on computer.
   

First, thanks for the support. You guys are like a pair of super strong hosiery. Wink!

I had my root canal last week. It was not to horrible. Except. There was going to be an except right? He couldn't get the tooth numb. Oh how I grin even as I remember the fun we had. So he hit it with the stuff. Then waited five minutes. Could still feel my lips and stuff. So he hit it with some more stuff and massaged my gums. Fun! Then he said 'let's see if that nerve is sleeping.' Guess what? It was not. SO then he drill into my tooth and shoots it with some more stuff right into the nerve I guess. And the bonus...it makes your heart pound like you are running a marathon. Gahhh! Glad that's over.

Day three of typing this post:

Sooo I have a bruise on my cheek from the root canal. Purdy.

Is it wrong to say I am fed up with my children's behavior? Fed Up. Well not the little one. He still has time to learn to be a little hellion. As of right now, after requisite meltdown, they are whining in the tub. Little d is calling Little m "the worst". And this is of course "the worst day ever!" Until tomorrow...that will be the worst day ever. Pukity puke puke blech! Soooo tired of this situation that happens several times a day.

Still typing on the same post...not even sure how many days...but--kiddos are being really good today. I actually got laundry accomplished and made banana bread. Can you imagine?

I recieved a blog award from Penny so I need to close this post up and start working on accepting that one... hope to get to it soon!

Chaos

Someday I will look back on this time in my life and maybe think "things sure were easy then." But here in the present its a little not easy, in fact maybe I'd go so far as to say chaotic. Before I get to the details let me first say I have the most blessed life I could imagine. I have a wonderful husband, three whole and healthy children and we are building our dream home.

Prior to Little md's birth things were verging on the out of control. House in shambles. (No I'm not tossing that word around loosely.) Kids on a schedule that defies gravity. Behavior that needed to be checked.

Now that he's arrived, it's been multiplied. I keep thinking, "when we get to the new house it will all fall into place." Well, some of it will. Just by the nature of the house being 1000 square feet bigger, and all on one level, some organization will happen naturally. I mean my kitchen size will double, so therefore, all of the bottles and sippy cups and bread and bags of chips won't have to sit on top of a counter. And the office will be just down the hall from the garage where we will usually enter the house, which means mail can be handled there...not on the kitchen island, counter...floor (yes it's that bad.) And there will be a bench/cubby area at the back door for shoes, purses, backpacks (gulp-that's just around the corner) and keys.

And somewhere in the back of my sleep-deprived befuddled mind I seem to remember an adjustment period for Little d when Little m was born in the behavior department. It's as if she took out her frustration of having to share the spotlight on me, not the new baby. And I am truly thankful for that. I don't have to block books being thrown at the baby's head, I just have to put kids in timeout...alot. Today Little d was in special form. She was in timeout several times and got three spankings. Talk about testing limits. Then tonight when bathtime hit, Little m threw such a fit that I only washed her hair and the top half of her and then dragged her kicking dripping body out and got her dressed.

So I'm hoping after the post-new baby adjustment wears off, we'll see something that resembles order again. But Little md is 8 weeks old. How long of an adjustment do you suppose it will take?

The good news. My kids are well behaved in public.

And speaking of the world outside these four walls...that house we're building? When will it ever be done? I get so annoyed that D spends all his time off from his job-job working on the house. And it's not his fault. If he doesn't work on the house, how will it get finished? Answer--it won't. And when he's not working at his job-job or working on the house, he's working overtime to make extra money to pay for that house. See? Can't fault him for that either. But where does it leave me--resentful, restless, and for that matter sleepless.

On the subject of sleepless: We are both exhausted. He is running himself silly from place to place and I am nursing a newborn and trying to reign in two heathen monkeys. I am starting to think this tunnel doesn't have a light at the end. {No, that's not a post partum depression sentence.} I've started practicing visualization. Soooo not like me. But I have. When things get particularly hairy, I picture something in the new house. A wall of a new paint color. A cabinet pull. The front door. Anything to distract me from the crazy.

Sometimes it works. And sometimes I sit at the computer and type a blog post. Which may take three days to write. Like this one. PS I'm over double checking and editing for a while. Please excuse the typos. And misspelled words.

Funny Remote Story (or two)

Everybody has one of those right?

First I should explain that we have three TVs in our house. One in the living room. One in the office/guest/completely trashed room. And one in our bedroom. We also have Dish Network, so we have two remotes that control the dish. One is for our bedroom and the other controls both other TVs. Make sense?

So the TV in the office also has a seperate remote that controls On/Off and volume.

I just realized that I actually have two funny remote stories...bonus for you.

Anyway. Tonight Little m wanted to watch Disney in the office (we were finishing up bath time) and the dish remote was downstairs in the living room. I told her that she had to watch was Dad was watching downstairs and then left the room to get Little d out of the tub. I was drying Little d off in the office (hey don't question our routine-it works) when Little m comes running in the room yelling Hannah Montana and waving the dish remote in her hand. She had gone down and stolen the remote from D (who was sleeping in the recliner) and came back upstairs. I don't know why, but this struck me as extremely funny.

Okay my other remote story. A while back--maybe last year, I was up in the office--probably scrapbooking. {Sigh. I miss that a little.} When I decided I wanted the TV on. So I looked for the remote and couldn't find it. I yelled downstairs to ask if anyone knew where the remote was. Little d in all seriousness said "mom, there's this button on the front of the TV and if you push it, it turns the TV on."

Oh and then while I was typing this post, this happened...



But it was worth it.



And this is my other little poser.



Mwah!!!

So you want about a thousand pictures of our new floors?

Suuuure you do!

Laundry Room:
Kitchen:

Kitchen, from the great room:

Back door in great room. I didn't want carpet right at the back door...

Bathroom 2:

Dining room:

Okay off to bathe girlies...

Quick House Update

Finally we have a real roof! Not just tar paper. It is soooo satisfying to see the exterior mostly done. (The red door has to wait to the end, so it doesn't get scratched up during construction.)

Here's the backside ;)

And now for a little interior work... This is our stained concrete floors. The pictures were taken with D's camera so I'll have to get some better ones next time I'm out there.

Okay off of here....just had to get these uploaded!

Possessions

This morning I got an email about Grandma's stuff. Specifically it was letting everyone know that since they are predicting a strong hurricane season, if you want anything from her house you should speak up now. The siblings (meaning Grandma's kids) are getting together and will try to meet all requests.


There was no need for a will. Of the fourteen kids there will be no bickering.


So my parents, brother and I brainstormed about anything we might want from Grandma's house. My Dad sent Grandma some China from the Philippines when he was stationed there during Vietnam. Seven of the plates were broken during shipping. So it's 24 settings minus 7 plates.


I crocheted a prayer shawl for her several years ago in a soft heather blue. I also gave her a birdfeeder shaped like a pair of hands. And the coffee mug with Little d and Little m's pictures.


My brother remembered that Dad made a wooden lighthouse for her that was turned on his lathe.


Mom remembered a cross with the face of Jesus on it.


And so it went. Different memories of Christmases and times past. Stories with each gift. Visions of her opening her gifts at Christmas.


This sorting through things and dividing out is not about holding on to these possessions. I mean, what will I do with an "I Heart Grandma" Disneyland mug? Rather, it's about holding onto the memories of someone we cherished.


****************


For the last few months, well since Memaw passed away, Poppy has been visiting us more often. He comes up here at least two times a week. My parents don't want him left in POC alone, so if they are both going to be up here, they bring him too. And I've really enjoyed it. And the girls have warmed up to him.


Every time he visits he brings some little trinket for them. For a while it was my grandmother's beaded necklaces. And I remembered just about every outfit she wore with each one. Now it's other things. And they all bring back memories.


It seems that all of her things bring back memories for him as well and it's hard for him to have them around. He also loves to give things to the girls.

It's funny how possessions can evoke such memories. I look around my house and think that in the new house I want to really concentrate on only hanging onto things that have meaning, or that I love. Not just random clutter. We'll see how successful I am at that!

Little md update: He weighs 13 pounds and six ounces (at 6 weeks). He's 23 inches tall and his head is 15 1/4. My little chunk! Last night he let me sleep for four hours. In a row. An all time record. Repeat performance welcome...

Side note: It took me three days to write this post. Hmpt.

Has it been that long since I posted??

Yes, why yes it has! Whew. Who knew three kids would be so much work? I have hired a full-time nanny that goes by the name Mimi. She's cheap, thank goodness, but comes highly recommended...in case you haven't figured it out--I'm talking about my mom. She's practically lived with us since Little md's birth. What a Godsend.

How do women do it? Am I just particularly inept? I mean how do you fix a meal for a starving five-year-old, physically put a scratching two year old in timeout while breastfeeding a newborn? It can not be done by one person. And this kind of situation happens more than once a day.

I'm also trying to figure out if breastfeeding is just particularly draining on me. I mean I have zero energy most of the time. If my mom wasn't here to handle some of the night shift when D's at work I would not be conscious most of the time. I'm already cranky and short fused as it is. How do other mothers breastfeed and manage to have clean clothes, dishes....children? Oh and the sore...areas....of breastfeeding. A little taxing with every other thing going on.

A lot of stress comes from the fact that Little md is kind of high maintenance. He's on an iron supplement as per doc's orders, but Tuesday when we go in for a checkup and I'm going to discuss his iron levels to see if he still needs to be on it. I forgot to give it to him one whole day and half of two other days, and during that time he seemed less fussy.

Monday I have my six week post partum check up. Fun.

Thursday I have a root canal. Even more fun.

And because all that is not enough. Now is decision time on the house. Cabinet finishes, counter colors, call about alarm system, try to afford appliances, tile work--yes or no?

But the roof is on finally--I mean the shingles are. But they put the vents in the wrong place. Sigh. Here's a picture of the back of the house my bro sent today. What do you think? Did I choose good colors for the outside?

Okay I know it's not the best picture. Maybe soon I'll get out there and take some pictures. Maybe soon I'll sleep more than two hours...doubt it!

;) It's all good.....

Just some random thoughts involving money, teeth, and politics.

Oh and blogging.

Money: Tonight on the phone with D (he's at work) we tracked new house expenditures. Looks like the overall cost of the home will fall below budget. We are on track and that makes me vastly relieved. Please please please no surprises!

Teeth: I'm sure I've posted before about my horrible teeth. But I'm too lazy to look up the post and reference it. So just take my word for it. My teeth are horrible, and I floss daily. Yesterday I had my teeth cleaned and checked because one of them, here's a shocker, is getting sensitive and randomly causing pain. Today I visited the endowhatchamadinger and drumroll...I need another root canal. Seriously, why do I bother with the good teeth hygiene? I mean other than stopping bad breath. I brush twice (sometimes more) and floss every day. Even now in my very sleep deprived state when all I want to do is fall into bed and hibernate at the end of the day, I manage to floss at least six times a week. Blech.

Politics: I'm no fan of Obama, but who gives a poop if he visits the oil spill. Honestly? I don't know why conservatives are making a huge deal out of it. Of all the crap he's pulled and is pulling, this is the least of our concerns. In fact, didn't he respond faster to the oil spill than to the shooting at Fort Hood?

Blogging: I don't have time to visit my favorite blogs anymore. If I give the girls a bath (like now) I take a few minutes to peek at some. But of the hundreds on my list, I only check about 15 on an every other day or so basis anymore. Boo. Hiss. But life is just to full of other stuff right now. I foresee only more stuff in the future. I am trying my hardest to keep up this blog, because more than anything I want it for the kids future reference to how whack-job their mom really was...as if they need this thing for proof of that. ;)

Bonus topic-Scrapbooking: Not gonna happen anytime soon. Not even sure about Little md's birth announcements. I'm even thinking of packing it all up and just putting it in storage until the move. And it's shocking how okay I am with that.

Guess I should go get the littles out of the tub before the little man wakes up to feed again. Take care blog-land...

Paint!

Today the painters started on painting the exterior. I'm so excited!! Can't wait to see the trim finished and the red front door! Here's some pictures...

Front of house:

Side of house:

Back of house:

And yes, that's Little d in some of the shots. Did I mention that I registered her for kindergarten yesterday? Trauma! I know she will love it. At least, I hope she does. But me, I don't know how I'll survive. The good news is her school is very small. I think (as of now) she'll have 13 in her class. They have 26 kids registered so far and they divide the kids between two classrooms. I am loving that she will be in such a small class!

Ahh. Growing pains for me!

supa supa stars

We've been partying like rock stars around here. Staying up all night--eating chocolate all day. Fast times--

Even Little md gets in on it. As seen here, he is laughing (ok, smiling) at his sisters dancing antics.

Party on people--party on.

PS the painters are working on the exterior of the house this week...hope to have pictures to share soon!

Day to day

Turns out blogging has taken a back seat...to life.


The rash mercifully has left and some of my sanity has returned. It started leaving around week three of Little md's life. He, by the way, is a month old today. Time has been flying this last week.


The girls are doing well. Although there have been some sibling like growing pains. And testing of the limits. And I fully admit to having trouble enforcing limits, what with a small(ish) gremlin attached to one boob. But I hope that settles down in a short period of time.

Little md is growing like a weed. I can't get over how quickly he got all chubby on me. He's outgrown one size of clothes and two sizes of diapers. Oh and guess what? I have only been peed on three times. Not to bad for a month. His umbilical cord finally fell off at three weeks. Sheesh--talk about overstaying your welcome mister cord.

Okay--life calls--more later....

Little Miss Perfect

Yesterday I had the distinct honor of meeting my brother's new baby girl. She arrived a little after noon on her mother's birthday. What a lovely way to celebrate life--with a brand new one.

Her nickname here will be little miss perfect, because indeed she is absolutely perfect and beautiful in every way, from her teeny tiny eyelashes to her sweet pouty lips.

It is nine kinds of awesome to see my brother being a dad. And I couldn't be more happy for him and my sister in law. It is amazing to watch the sparkle in their eyes as they describe her and her birth...and the miracle that is becoming a parent. It is of course something you can't fully realize until you live through it yourself.

And I am so thrilled they are part of the club. Welcome to parenthood H and L! It's so good to have you as new members!

Just scratching along...

The rash is still going strong. I am now pretty...pretty ugly. HA! And pretty sleep deprived. Little md is a little high maintenance, but it won't last forever. Been there done that before.

I do wish we were already in our new house. Somehow I feel like that would just make things so much easier. Oh well--before too long. In fact we are making progress...

Here's the latest pictures of the siding. D's dad has really been helping him try to get it done.

And today the electrician started! Yeah! After he's done (hopefully this week) we can get the spray insulation and the concrete floors done. And then the drywall--that's getting more and more houselike!!

And besides that...I have reason to believe I will keep my sanity despite the insane asinine itching. Turns out Little md takes a bottle of expressed milk like a champ. {I had to nurse Little m for an entire year before she could be weaned.} I was so worried that he would follow suit. But sigh of relief, he takes a bottle!

Blessed be!

The Recovery

First...God, he's beautiful. I know you all would love to just eat him up, but too bad, he's all mine!



If there is one thing I've learned about childbirth, it's to expect the unexpected.

For my first delivery, I thought I had it pretty easy...right up until the epidural wore off. And then I was a little like "What the hell!?!" I had tearing, cutting, and a cracked tailbone. My God I would cry--literally--if I had to toot! The nurses were giving me pain meds-um the really good stuff that makes your ears ring a little-every three hours. Then there was the breastfeeding pain. And of all three Little d was the best-from-the-beginning-nurser I've had. But still, even with her perfect latch, I had two weeks of knee-shaking pain during nursing.

But I regrouped, learned some things, and prepared for the second delivery.

After Little m, I took my sitz baths regularly, and due to not near as much damage, I recovered very well. In fact the only post delivery pain reliever I had was one Motrin--and that was mostly for back pain that kept me awake. Stupid hospital beds. I also started using Lansinoh cream immediately with nursing...not waiting until soreness set in. So breastfeeding was much less painful as well.

So here I went into this delivery thinking...should be at least as easy as Little m's birth, right?

Wrong.

Even thought Little md is almost 2 pounds heavier than Little m was and even though I pushed four times as long, most of that recovery is pretty easy. Thanks be to God! But my muscles were exhausted. I couldn't understand why until D explained 'well it's like you did situps for an hour...' Well duh. That does make sense. I mean it didn't feel like situps since I had the epidural, but essentially that's what it was. So even though I was looking forward to not hobbling around like a weirdo...that's just what I did for another few days.

But here's where things got truly weird and unexpected. On Monday before Little md was born, I started itching...on the belly. And throughout the week it progressed until my stomach was bright red. Like a really bad sunburn. I thought it was just a normal itchy preggo belly--I've had that before with the girls, but usually not that bad.

And then Friday after delivery and Saturday I noticed it started to spread...to my legs and backside. Hmmm. I thought the rash on my legs was from heat. Everything I was sleeping on in the hospital was plastic. I asked Dr. S about my stomach before leaving the hospital and he said I could use hydrocortisone cream and take Zyrtec. But by Monday, the scratching was driving me to insanity...and this ridiculous rash was everywhere! Legs and arms! Everywhere! I could not stop scratching. It was worse than the head to toe poison ivy I had as a youngster.

I consulted Dr. Google and discovered the answer. PUPPP. Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy. Makes great dinner table conversation. Google it yourself and get a load of the pictures. Umm-mmm good. If you're not brave enough to google it here's the rundown:

• usually starts in third trimester of first pregnancy and then doesn't occur again in following pregnancies.
• usually occurs in pregnancies with boys.
• starts in stretch mark area and spreads.
• usually resolves itself within a week of delivery.
• can be treated with oral steroids in severe cases.
• is "annoying" but doesn't cause any harm to mom or baby.

"Annoying". Are you kidding me? They could use this crap in the place of waterboarding for terrorists.! Seriously. I'll talk--I did it--I stole the Linburg baby--I was the second shooter on the grassy knoll! Just make it stop itching!!!

I finished my course of steroids yesterday. And I am. still. itching. In the worse case scenarios I've seen online, it can last for months postpartum. And I even saw one lady say that hers flares up every time she has her period. Okay. Will not focus on that possibility!

Here's some more tips I've learned. Heat makes it ten times worse. Not being able to hug my family really sucks. Really really bad.

Well that's the rundown of the recovery so far. Hopefully week two will look better. On a positive note:

Day eight...infatuation still going strong...

Eyes Open!

See--I told you he was perfect! (6 days old)

And the girls can get enough of him either!

Off to eat--again!

Family of Five (Little md's birth story)

As some of you know I was scheduled for induction on Friday April 23rd. I arrived at the hospital at 3am. I went up to Labor and Delivery pretty quickly and was checked into birthday suite #10. The room where we would welcome our Little md.



I was more nervous than ever. I just kept thinking 'we can't possibly be lucky three times in a row...what if something goes wrong this time?' I was hooked up to the baby heart rate monitor and the contraction monitor. Apparently I was have contractions and just not realizing how often I was having them. They weren't painful.

The nurse checked me (still 2cm) and started the pill in my cervix around 3:30. So then the contraction became more painful. Around 7:00, she said she wanted to check me again at 8:00 and was hoping Dr. S would come in by that time so he could break my water. Pause!

{With both of my previous deliveries I think one of the most painful things was the breaking of the water. I would--both times--end up shaking, crying and last time, begging them to stop. So this time I figured I got a little say in the matter...this being my third trip to the rodeo and all. After explaining myself, the nurse agreed. She didn't want to be running around frantically trying to get my epidural after he broke my water. She called the doc and got permission for me to get the epidural prior to his visit. Yeah!!}

A nurse anesthetist administered the epidural, and it was the least favorite of the three I've received. He was very slow, which is okay, I want him to get it right, but he also did things a little differently and I felt more pain during it. But at least I was numb, or getting there and the water breaking and subsequent cervix checks were not painful. Whew! Dr. S said I was four centimeters, and the baby was minus 1 station. Yeah he was coming down like he is supposed to!

A little later I felt the contraction on one side again. Actually that side never really did get numb, so even after rolling over, it was not getting numb, the nurse called in the candy man to add some more juice. He did and it worked this time. So well that I actually--between BP cuff intervals--got to doze and rest.

But then (sometime between 11:00 and 11:30 I think) I started feeling a sharp pain in the area I would think is my cervix. Hmmm. This is new and not so pleasant. I called the nurse in to say I was feeling pain and she (as they always do asked if I meant pressure) and I (as I always do) explained that this was different than the pressure of needing to push, this actually was a sharp pain. She checked me and said I was complete, but the baby for some unknown reason was back up very high. She thought it was due to my bladder being full, but that changed nothing, so she was puzzled and I was worried. Why would he move back up? Did this mean a c-section? Did this mean he was too big to fit?

She said she could get a boost to the epidural but it would mean longing time pushing. I told her that with Little m I was extremely numb and she still came in record time. I said "I'm okay with pushing longer" I was not okay with "pushing through the pain" which was the other option. She said..."I'm just not gonna tell him you're complete or he won't boost the epidural" Believe me her secret is safe with me. And you, right?

Well in the meantime, waiting for the candy man to come back, guess what rapidly began to wear off? That's right. What pain relief I had left. So now every minute or less, a mack truck would hit me somewhere in the middle and radiate through me as if my pelvis were trying to break free of my body.

I was gripping the bed rail and curled (as near as I could get) into the fetal position. I'm not entirely sure, but I am fairly certain there was some whimpering and shaking going on. At one point D tried to rub my arm and I strongly suggested 'don't touch me!'

So there I was. Me and the pain. And the worry about my baby. And the blur of people getting things ready around me. The baby nurse telling her student nurse charge that "here was the ambi bag for resuscitating the baby" should they need it. An EMT standing at the foot of the bed with her hair too black.

Candy man came back and I probably should have acknowledged him, but all I heard was "oh you're getting low" as he added the meds to my contraption. Probably a good thing I wasn't talking as I might have wanted to say rather sarcastically "really?"

Then my nurse asked me to roll over so we could start pushing.

"I can't."

"We'll wait until this contraction is over."

'No' I was thinking, 'I can't push in this much pain!' She made some comment that the epidural wasn't going to work at this point and I looked her dead in the eye and said "are you saying it's not going to work?" She said, 'well it may start working too late'. Nothing like that to motivate you. Ha. But I somehow rolled over to my back during the next contraction and the baby nurse was on one leg, while my nurse was on the other. And somehow--Thanks be to God--the pain started going away.

But the flip side of course is how very numb I was. And so the pushing began at 11:50. And progress was slow and I needed oxygen because just before I started pushing his heart rate dropped a bit. But then it went back up and stayed good. Occasionally I had to stop to catch my breath. The nurses were so awesome and so were my mom and husband who held my shoulders up with every push. Doc came in and decided to hang out in the hall for awhile until I got closer. So this made me feel better. Apparently he thought I was close enough that he didn't need to go back across the street to his office.

So I kept pushing and finally with a little position change of the legs I could tell it was getting close and so everyone took their place for this birth and I had to hold off a minute so Dr. S could get his face mask on. I pushed again and he said to stop--I think the head was out and Little md's cord was wrapped tightly around his neck.

But that was quickly taken care of and after a little push Dr. S said my favorite thing that he always says during delivery "okay you can stop now the rest is all me." I don't know why that is such a comfort to me. I guess just to know that the work is over and in a few seconds I'll get to see my baby for the first time.

There was a little whirlwind as he was born at 12:29 and a joke as Dr. S said what a cute girl and the nurses said "WHAT?" And he checked again and said Oh! because with the cord and everything he was too busy to check carefully.

Instead of handing him to me though, the nurses took him to the warmer and began working on him and it was then that it hit me 'he's not crying'. I kept waiting and watching and asking "is he okay" and they said he's moving all around. But I still didn't hear him cry, and they were suctioning him and working on him and I was griping D's hand and after an eternity (that was less than a minute)...



He cried.

And I cried. And I finally, finally got to hold him.





He's fine. His scores at birth were a little low at 7, since the cord was around his neck. But then after that he was fine and pink and healthy and beautiful. He's 8 pounds and 5 ounces and 20 1/2 inches long. His head circumference is 14 inches.

We are a family of five now. The girls are more than a little in love with their brother.



I couldn't have asked for anything more. Well, maybe a little easier recovery, but I'll save that for another post.