Yesterday I received some bad, if not unexpected, news. My cousin, who is in her forties, is close to the end of her battle with colon cancer. She was diagnosed with it along with breast cancer. She's had surgeries and treatments, but she was told at the time of diagnoses, that she had about two years. The last time I saw her was around Thanksgiving. She was in the area visiting with her mom and had to be checked into the hospital here. I went to see her. I could tell that she was not doing very well at that time, so I've been preparing myself for what is to come. If one can prepare for that.
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I had sooo much housework to do this weekend that I almost cancelled going to church with my Dad, but then in the shower I realized that I needed to pray. So I decided to go. I am so glad I did. The priest's homily (sermon) was about being called to serve God. He told a story of how he was called to serve God when he was serving mass as a 7 year old boy in his African village. He said that his father couldn't raise him because he had no money, so he was raised by a Presbyterian man. But that the man allowed him to follow his calling. Anyway it was interesting to me because he said God's call to service comes in different forms. Like some may hear the voice of God or some may just feel led. But then he said some may just feel restless in their current life and not know why. And then it hit me like a lightning bolt. I've felt restless for a while. And mostly I thought of it as aggravation with things like an untidy house, or still not being completely moved out of the other house, or lack of free time to scrapbook or the extra 25 pounds that were not disappearing on their own.
But then I wonder--because I've always felt this need to do something to help people. I mean from the time I was a small child my career choices centered on trying to help others. I didn't want to be a famous singer, I wanted to be a lawyer--so I could get Matagorda Island back for my family. Or I wanted to be a pharmaceutical researcher--so I could find a cure for cancer. Or later I wanted to be a cop--just to help people. I've done tons of volunteer work, from the Adult Literacy Council to Rape Crisis Hotline.
uhg just uhg i've been typing on this post for days
Anyway. I'm not trying to toot my own horn, but I'm just saying maybe that's why I feel restless--because I haven't done something for the greater good in a while. Although a good part of me argues that my something is raising three well adjusted kiddos!! So anyway. I don't know where all this is going. I didn't know where it was going days ago when I started this post. As they say it is what it is.
Oh and what the heck with my title?? Gotta close this one. Maybe I'll have something better later.
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