The mother in law post

I've had a bit of a breakthrough.  Within myself.

An epiphany.  Thank you Jesus.

My in-laws recently came into some money.  As in 'up from the ground Texas tea' or however the hillbilly song goes.  And it made her (if this was even possible) more obnoxious.  She made EVERY single conversation about money.  And how much they had and how they were going to 'take care of themselves first and then take care of the grandkids'.  That is a direct quote.  By the way...what does one say to that?  Thank you?  I understand?  No problem?  Have a nice cruise?  I nodded awkwardly.  (shrug)

Then in an amazingly awkward turn of events she gave me a check.  She actually had tears in her eyes and I can say I had no idea what to do.  It's as if she was trying to buy all the horrible things she had ever said or done out of my memory.  I tried to tell her I couldn't accept it, and then I thanked her when she insisted.  Saying it was too much.  Oh my never have I been in such a socially weird position.

So the other day my dad and I were talking about that moment and he thought that she was trying to make things right in her own way.  I thought she was still faking it.  Mostly to impress D.

That's not the epiphany.

So when I finally logged back onto facebook this weekend (head above water) I saw a prayer she re-posted.  It was called The Knots Prayer.  HERE's a link to what it looks like.  It was something she had reposted, but I read it anyway

It was the end that got me.  "especially the thought that I am not good enough"  Epiphany.

I knew that she never got along with her mother.  Never felt like her mother treated her equally--and still doesn't.  But now it just hit me that that is why she is so abrasive and controlling.  She is trying to compensate for a lifetime of not feeling good enough.   It suddenly all makes perfect sense.  I actually cried because I felt so sorry for her.  I've been so blessed to not only be treated like a perfect gift from God by my parents and grandparents, but to also have close friends and a brother I have been able to confide in my whole life.  And now I still have them rooting for me.  Plus I have a husband and three beautiful kids...I got girls and a boy.  She never had a little girl.  I don't know--maybe that has nothing to do with it, but it's like I finally see all the pieces falling into place.

And even if I didn't have those things to lean on, I have a very strong faith in prayer and God.  I don't know what she believes.  I mean I know she believes in God and prayer, but does she really know how to pray or feel God's presence in her heart??

So now that I'll be framing all her crap differently in my head lol maybe my life we'll be a little easier.  Or at least maybe I'll just start praying for her more.  Because to be perfectly honest, she was a little low on my prayer list....