Everyday

Every single day I feel inadequate.  But this week I've been giving myself high fives.

We started back to school after the break and Little m had a time.  For the first time in my motherhood I had a sobbing begging child pulled from my leg by a teacher (and her aide).  Sigh.  I was sobbing as soon as I left the room as well.  I know it was the right decision of course.  But I wanted to pack her up and take her right back home.  No school?   I am o. k. with that.  No, okay.  I know that's not the smart responsible thing to do, but honestly how do you allow your child to be ripped from you?

Well for starters, the same thing happened to my brother when I was in second grade and he was in kinder.  Judging by how he turned out it did not scar him for life.  I mean he's able to live in his own house with his lovely wife and kids and not once do I see him hanging onto Mom and Dad's legs when they leave. ;)

Second.  I tell myself over and over that I cannot (unless the circumstances are dire) home school the kids.  I am so on the verge of never letting them out of the bubble, that if I did that, they would grow up to be weirdo recluses.  Seriously.  If I let myself keep them home all day with me for the rest of my life I would be perfectly fine, but they would grow up socially malnourished to say the least.  And you know....there will come a time when I want grandkids, right?  So--no home school.

I came home and paced and cried and then the aide called (as she said she would) by 8:30 and let me know that she was fine.

But I knew that the next day would be a repeat.  And it was.  But this time I didn't cry until I got home.  And then I sent an email to the teacher apologizing for the drama and telling her I was open to suggestions.  She very sweetly replied back that Little m was doing fine--it was no problem at all--and that she just loved her momma very much.

So momma put on her thinking cap.  Something for her to think about at school and distract her and surprise her when she got home....

Before Christmas we got this cow elf (as in elf on the shelf).  I won't go into the story here of it's origin, but the kids loved it even tho we did 'fake' scenes and took pictures of the elf for a business facebook page.  As I was packing up the tree and decorations I put the cow elf in the box of ornaments.  Little m was upset.  She wanted to continue to play with it.

What if the cow elf got back out of the box of ornaments (which was OF COURSE still sitting in the living room) and wrote a letter to Little m about how she overheard her distress and wanted to cheer her up and would surprise her on the days she went to school?

Brilliant right?  High five.  And it was pretty successful.

This morning we walked to the classroom.  Ms. G was standing at the open door to greet us.  "Well you're looking better this morning!"  Little m had a death grip on my hand--not leg.  I leaned over.  "Remember what you get to think about today?"  She whimpered a bit and there were tears in her eyes.  The death grip still on my hand.

And then she took a very deep breath, let go of my hand, and walked in the door.  I exchanged a thumbs up with Ms. G.

I was so incredibly proud of her.  I know how very hard that was.  How very brave she was.  And today I could not wipe the grin off of my face on the way back to the car.

Incidentally the cow elf has been named Lela.  And her treasure hunt through the house this afternoon was a smashing success.

High five.