Well I guess that title isn't entirely accurate, she hasn't been lost. We just haven't been in contact.
I got to meet someone today for the first time. She's my cousin. My mom's brother's daughter. She is my age (35) and the last time I 'saw' her we were babies. My uncle had a severe mental illness and he and his wife divorced many years ago. They lived in another state and I never saw her. Eventually my uncle moved back here, but he really had no contact with his daughter. And if you knew him you would know why.
Two summers ago my uncle passed away from cancer. By the time he was examined by a doctor (he refused to see one), it was stage four and he was given a couple of weeks to live. My mom was with him in the hospital the night he died. I can't imagine what that was like for her. He was so mentally ill (paranoid) that he was very verbally abusive to her even though for the last several years she has been his primary caretaker. Yet she loved him through it all and never turned her back on him even when the rest of us were so fed up with him we couldn't stand to be around him. Mental illness is a wicked wicked thing.
My mom decided she needed to get in touch with his daughter to let her know he had passed away. They kept in touch through facebook and have over the last year been getting to know each other.
She's in the military between assignments and decided to stop here to visit her grandparents before checking in to her next base. It was a surreal experience for me. Here's this girl that I am just as related to as my other 30-odd cousins, but I really don't know at all. She looks a little like my uncle to me. More like old pictures of him than the crazed image of him I hold in memory. We have some things in common. We both crochet. We both like stuffed crab. We both have worked in a male dominated field. But there is so much I don't know about her at all.
Does she like the color pink? Does she believe in God? Does she want children someday?
I hope in time I get to learn more about her. I hope she can find peace with her dad's illness and the rift it caused between her mom and my grandparents.
I am thankful for today. She's no longer "the cousin I've never met."
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4 comments:
Aw, this is a sweet story. I'm glad that you and you cousin have finally met. I know that as time goes by, you'll be able to learn everything and become great friends.
Blessings,
Kim xXx
Awww... I can totally relate, but for different reasons. Months ago I got a message on Facebook from a cousin asking if we were cousins! We've probably seen eachother three times in our lives. She has a child now and everything. I have pictures of us as kids. Now we are trying to keep in touch.
Family is the most important thing and that is so great that you got to meet your cousin!!!!
A wonderful (and sad) story Mere! I feel bad that my kids can't be with their cousins.
I'm so glad you will get to know her. My hubby's dad has some mental illness. He has nothing to do with us....that is ok. My hubby's brother does not speak to us because of this. I think he may need some "help" as well. (So glad my wonderful hubby is "normal":) It makes me sad to think of all the others who will be affected by this.( the not speaking part, not my hubby being normal..hee hee) My children will never really know their cousins either. I am so glad that after many years you both are getting a second chance:)
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