A scare

I wasn't going to write about this, but I need to document things for this pregnancy. I know most of you who read my blog came here from scrapbooking sources, but this blog really started out as a personal (for world wide web reading-of course) blog.

As I mentioned several times before, I had a miscarriage between my two daughters. It happened two months after my breast biopsy. I've always been a worrier, and after that, I was even more nervous during my pregnancy with Little m. The worst was when I told myself "if I make it past the day I started spotting last time, it will be okay." Don't you know when I was pregnant with her, I spotted on the exact same day (during the fifth week) as when I started spotting with the miscarriage. Fortunately, it happened just once and Little m was born healthy and perfect!

So here we are again. The endless worry. I made it past eight weeks. I heard the heartbeat on ultrasound. I was feeling quite confident things were going to go smoothly. Then I had a dream last week. A dream where I was having a miscarriage. (I also had a similar dream two days before my actual miscarriage a few years ago.) I tried to blow it off. "You've just been worrying too much." I told myself. "It doesn't mean anything."

Then Wednesday night, while D was bathing the girls, I started bleeding. Some of you can well imagine exactly how that feels. "I can't do this again....this just can't happen again...I can't lose another baby."

The bleeding stopped. It wasn't alot. But it was more than what I would call just spotting. Of course I called the doctor's office the next day. My doc was out as was his nurse, so another nurse called me back. 'Cramps?' no. 'Any more bleeding?' no. 'Okay then, this is quite common during the first and last trimester. Dr.S will look over this and call back this afternoon.'

So I told her I was concerned since I've had a miscarriage before. And she said...

"Oh so then you know what to do."

Yes lady. Curl up in the fetal position on my bed and pray to God this baby is one I get to hold in my arms. Yes, I know what to do.

So. No more bleeding. Lots of nausea and sore breasts. And exhaustion. And lots of praying.